Dwelling on a former relationship can be detrimental to your mental health. While it’s perfectly natural to want to save a relationship that you feel strongly about, it’s important to know when to move on. 

Unfortunately, many romantic relationships don’t last forever. Nearly 50% of first-time marriages end in divorce, and the rate is even higher for people who remarry. When it comes to unmarried couples, the risk of a first-year breakup is around 70% for straight couples and 75% for same-sex couples. With statistics like this, odds are high that you’ve experienced a painful separation from someone you loved deeply — and you might still be dwelling on the failed relationship. If you can’t stop thinking about your ex or the love you once shared, you may find closure in the suggestions below.

Know that You Aren’t Alone

Based on the statistics above, you already know that most relationships have an expiration date. Did you also know that many men and women still think about their ex regularly? Eighty-one percent of single people and 60% of married folks confess that they think about an ex lover often. Nearly 3 out of 4 women report that they think about an ex too much, and approximately 2 out of 3 men admit to doing the same. 

If you’re obsessing about a former relationship, what you’re experiencing is common. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s healthy, especially since nearly 6 out of 10 single men and women lament that their love for an ex makes it difficult to find a new relationship.

It’s easy to glamorize a failed relationship and tell yourself that nobody has ever experienced the incredible love that you and your partner shared. While that may be true, statistics show that it’s unlikely. Accepting that many people find it difficult to move on after a breakup or divorce may make it easier for you to get over your ex.

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

How did you handle your breakup? Did you bounce back into your regular routine immediately, or did you take some time to deal with your feelings? If you jumped back into the swing of things right away or started dating shortly after calling it quits on your last relationship, you may need more time to recover. Some people take 6 weeks to 3 months to recover from a breakup, but it can take much longer if you have children together, have invested a significant amount of time and effort on your relationship, or your reasons for breaking up were traumatic, like if your ex had a substance abuse problem and refused to get treatment.

When you give yourself time to grieve, you may want to set a limit on how long you’ll take. The brain often treats love as an addiction, and it will continue pining for a lost love unless you practice self-discipline and eventually attempt to control your emotions. If you find yourself thinking about your ex often, set a daily, weekly, or monthly limit on your post-breakup dwelling — and stick with it. When you catch yourself crying over your wedding photos or creeping his new girlfriend’s Facebook page, redirect your thoughts, and force yourself to do something else. 

Delete Reminders of Your Ex on Social Media

Speaking of Facebook, it’s probably not good for you to be friends with your ex until you’re fully over the relationship. Having access to what he or she does each day makes it difficult to move on, and it can be devastating for you to see pictures of a new love interest. Social media also creates the illusion of happiness even during tough times, so you might be duped into thinking your ex is living a fabulous life while you sit at home sobbing into your pillow.

Instead of just deleting your ex, consider using the block button. Otherwise, you may still see notifications from tagged photos or see your ex commenting on mutual friends’ posts. If your social media stalking gets really out of control, force yourself to also block your ex’s family members and closest friends so you aren’t tempted to be a cyber sleuth. 

Getting over a romantic relationship can be difficult and painful, but you can do it. Limit thoughts about your former lover whenever possible, and don’t snoop on social media. You deserve to move on and find love again if that’s what you want in the future.