For many, becoming a parent is a lifelong dream, but various circumstances can make it difficult. Surrogacy helps aspiring parents start or grow their families via assisted reproduction, and is becoming more and more prevalent in the U.S. If you are considering using surrogacy to start a family, keep reading for helpful information.
Know the Difference
When considering surrogacy, it is important that you are aware of the two types of surrogacy:
- Traditional surrogacy refers to the fertilization of the surrogate mother via the sperm of the intended father. In this instance, the surrogate mother is also the biological mother.
- Gestational surrogacy is much more common for legal reasons, and refers to the process in which the surrogate mother is implanted with an embryo created by the intended parents or that of a donor.
Compensated vs. Compassionate Surrogacy
In most cases, the surrogate is compensated, but compassionate surrogacy is common in situations where the surrogate is a family member or friend. The surrogate doesn’t receive payment, but may be compensated for smaller expenses such as co-pays, deductibles, prescriptions, maternity clothes, etc.
The most common surrogacy route is compensated, so be sure you are familiar with the associated payments and benefits. If you are considering becoming a surrogate and making another family’s dream come true, understand that the greatest gift you receive will be the satisfaction in knowing you changed a life. However, financial compensation comes along with it, so educate yourself on the benefits, such as paid travel, lost wages, a life insurance policy, and reimbursement for miscellaneous expenses.
Understand the Legal Process
The goal with surrogacy is to bring home a happy, healthy baby, but there are several legal processes you must go through in order to do so. Keep in mind that surrogacy laws vary by state.
After you’ve gotten set up with an agency and found a surrogate, you must establish a surrogacy agreement with an attorney. The agreement is a legal document between the intended parents and the surrogate that lays out what to expect pre- and post-birth, compensation, and parentage. This document is extremely detailed, taking into account every possible scenario to avoid disagreements and misunderstandings regarding compensation and the responsibility of each party. You will also need to sign a pre-birth order, which can be done beginning in the fourth month of pregnancy, or a post-birth order within a week after the birth.
Determine Your Birth Plan
Although a surrogate is carrying your baby, it is still important that you establish a birth plan. When you are going through the matching process, the birth plan is definitely something you will talk about, and any disagreements could point to a poor match. You’ll discuss various birth topics during the pregnancy as well. In addition to many discussions, put your wishes and expectations on paper via a birth plan that lays out details such as:
- Place of delivery
- Type of birth (at the hospital, home birth, water birth, etc.)
- Who will be in the room for labor and/or delivery (in the case of a cesarean, who will be in the operating room)
- Pain-relief options
- Who the baby will be handed to
- Who will cut the umbilical cord
- How the baby will be fed
- Who will have nursery access
- What photos and/or videos will be allowed
- Where the new parents will stay while the baby is in the hospital
There is a lot to do and think about when you are becoming a parent, and even more so when you are using a surrogate. You will receive a lot of information, so take a deep breath. Work with an agency to hold your hand through the journey, stay informed, stay involved, and enjoy the ride.